Relying on Other Peoples' Opinions

We all love people telling us we are good. 

Our employers, clients, loved ones tell us we are great, and we feel good about ourselves.  Why?  Because sometimes our brains make a mistake.  It believes that their praise now means it’s okay for us to believe we’re enough.

In the moment we feel good, and we move on.

The problem arises when the applause becomes our only source of feeling good.  If others don’t affirm our worthiness we feel undeserving.

Believing we’re worthy feels good.  Thinking we’re not good enough feels awful.

So, our clever brains go to work and comes up with a strategy that works.  Keep doing things so others will praise us.  We achieve, receive validation from others, enjoy the feeling (usually momentarily) and we rinse and repeat this cycle.

This strategy comes with some snags like:

• We are reliant on other people telling us we are good, and we have no control over whether they delve out the praise
• We must keep producing, creating, serving, and achieving to have the possibility of receiving the recognition
• We become disheartened when the external tap of validation gets switched off and it’s hard for us to feel motivated without the reward of acknowledgement
• We lose touch with our own ability to give self-recognition

It’s a faulty strategy that can feel difficult to discard.

The first step in breaking the cycle is awareness.  Start noticing in what parts of your life are you achieving, pushing yourself or showing up in the hope of being acknowledged.

Get curious.  What do their words give you permission to believe about yourself?  How can you believe that about yourself right now?